Fatherhood Collaborative of San Mateo County

Faherhood Award

2011-05-17T11:49:00.001-07:00

Do you know an awesome dad? It's not too late to nominate him for the Fatherhood Collaborative's Fatherhood Award for 2011. Instructions and nomination forms are available at our webstite:

Strategic Anger

2010-12-16T13:56:00.000-08:00

It has been much too long since I've posted here, although we've accomplished much in the meantime. Please check out our website (www.fatherhoodcollaborative.org) to see what we've been up to. And don't forget to look at our albums. But, as the holidays approach, and work slows down, I've got a bit of time to look outward. Here is an article I saw this morning that might come in handy in case family 'togetherness' starts to fray your nerves. It's a really interesting look at 'anger' -- and some of the differences between how you perceive yourself, and how your children might see you. Let us know what you think. http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/fatherhood-101/article.aspx?cp-documentid=8415930&page=2

Happy Holidays everybody.

Listen to Childhood Matters Sunday July 18

2010-07-14T10:50:00.000-07:00

We have been really busy this summer, what with Dad & Me @ the Park on June 19th (check out our website album at http://www.fatherhoodcollaborative.org/), and Dad & Me @ the Pool coming up on August 7th. But in between, our Chair, Bruce Collins, will be a featured guest on Childhood Matters this Sunday, July 18, 2010, at 7:00 a.m. Tune in to listen, in the San Francisco Bay area, to KISS FM, 98.1:

Nurse Rona’s Book Club: The Modern Dad’s Dilemma by John Badalament, EdM
Are you a dad who is struggling to balance family and work? Do you know how to build open communication with your kids, even if you didn’t have that with your father? Join Nurse Rona and guests as they discuss practical advice for staying connected with your kids.

John Badalament, EdM, author of The Modern Dad’s Dilemma: How to Stay Connected with Your Kids in a Rapidly Changing World.
Bruce Collins, chair of the Fatherhood Collaborative and senior deputy probation officer in San Mateo County.

Dads, we want to hear from you! Call in at 1-877-372-KIDS.

And then, please let us know what you thought.

The 'Daddy-Phone'

2010-03-26T12:14:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Fathers.com for this sweet video about staying in touch:

http://www.fathers.com/content/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=903#video

Please let us know if you enjoy it.

You HAVE to listen!!!

2010-03-23T16:49:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a long time since we've blogged here, but we've been sooo busy. But now we are back, with a plea from one of our board members:

"Hey everybody, you HAVE to listen or read these 2 Storycorps stories. Have Kleenex nearby. These are three-hanky tear jerkers! Storycorps is an oral history project on KQED Friday mornings at 7:30. Stories are of everyday people and last under five minutes usually. They're always very touching and poignant, but these two so well illustrate the nature of fatherhood, not only from a 16 year old father perspective, but from the teacher who took him in.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=124092252 http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=124321674

Please let us know what you think after you've listened to them.

You Mean I’m NOT the father?

2009-12-02T17:04:00.000-08:00

A fascinating story appeared in the New York Times Magazine on Sunday November 22, 2009, about fathers who had been raising children, only to discover, through DNA testing, that they were not the biological fathers. We invite you to read the article, then let us know what you think. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/22/magazine/22Paternity-t.html

Please share your thoughts: What makes a father? How would you feel if you discovered your child was not really "yours"?

Are Custody Awards Changing?

2009-11-20T14:56:00.000-08:00

Another board member spotted this provocative column in the New York Times. http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/17/more-fathers-getting-custody-in-divorce/ Please let us know what you think.

D.C. Sniper Execution Prompts Thoughtful Blog-Post

2009-11-18T10:55:00.000-08:00

A board member sent this link (http://thefatherfactor.blogspot.com/2009/11/crime-of-fatherlessness.html) to a blog posting prompted by the recent execution of the D.C. Sniper, John Muhammad. You may recall that Muhammad, accompanied by teen-ager, Lee Boyd Malvo, murdered 10 people in the Washington D.C. area in the fall of 2002: Roland Warren, President of the National Fatherhood Institute, saw in this sad saga an example of father-hunger and a crime of fatherlessness. See if you don't agree.

More Books for Dads

2009-10-22T14:30:00.000-07:00

David Kamp recently reviewed Michael Chabon's new essay collection "Manhood for Amateurs -- The Pleasures and Regrets of a Husband, Father, and Son", in the New York Times. In so doing, he referred to a "growing catalog of Dad Lit." Other books that fall into this category are "Home Game: An Accidental Guide to Fatherhood" by Michael Lewis, and "Through the Children's Gate: A Home in New York" by Adam Gopnik.

Earlier, Judith Warner, whose respected book about motherhood was published in 2005, added a number of other books to burgeoning catalog: Neal Pollack’s "Alternadad" , and two other father confessionals: Philip Lerman’s “Dadditude: How a Real Man Became a Real Dad” and Cameron Stracher’s “Dinner with Dad: How I Found My Way Back to the Family Table.” "And, according to Warner, ..."aiming at making sense of it all, there’s psychoanalyst Michael J. Diamond’s “My Father Before Me: How Fathers and Sons Influence Each Other Throughout Their Lives.”

Tell us about your favorite Dad Lit picks.

And the Winners Are...

2009-10-05T12:52:00.000-07:00

This year's Fatherhood Awards were presented on Tuesday morning, September 22, 2009 in the Board of Supervisors chambers. Supervisor Mark Church will presented to:

Fatherhood Advocacy: The MY HERO PROGRAM of the Network for a Healthy California. Dr. Chanrandle Jordan received the award on behalf of the program.

Fatherhood Service: PRENATAL TO THREE PARENTING EDUCATION PROGRAM, received by CoordinatorKristine Averilla (between Supervisor Mark Church, and Fatherhood Collaborative Advisory Board Chair, Bruce Collins.

Father of the Year: Robert L. Jones, was nominated by his wife, Gloria, and his two children for being an extraordinary father, who "talked to and encouraged [his] children during pregnancy, before they were born." According to his wife, “He counsels, encourages, motivates, mentors and pushes not only our children, but young men wherever he is." His wife went on to describe his caring for their granddaughter who was born prematurely and weighed less than two pounds. "Grandfather would stroke her tiny little arm with one finger through the small opening [of the incubator], talking to her, telling her how much she is loved, how she will be a beautiful woman when she grows up and will help grandmother bake cookies, and of course we are going to Disneyland." We are honored to present our award to this Father of the Year.

Books for Fathers

2009-09-17T09:28:00.000-07:00

Recently our board member, Sylvia Key, came across two books related to fatherhood and raising black sons. The descriptions are from the publishers.

The first book is Successfully Raising Young Black Men by Dr. Kevin D. Barnes, Sr. Dr. Barnes is the father of three sons. With honesty, humor, love, and wisdom, this book shows parents how to successfully raise young black men and encourages parents to be the parents young black men need in this day and time. Dr. Barnes is pastor of the Abyssinian Missionary Baptist Church in Oakland, CA
www.SuccessfullyRaisingYoungBlackMen.com
www.Dr.KevinBarnesSr.com
www.amazon.com

The second book is A Journal for Jordan: A Story of Love and Honor by Dana Canedy. In 2005, First Sergeant Charles Monroe King began to write what would become a two-hundred-page journal for his son in case he did not make it home from the war in Iraq. In October 2006, he was killed when an improvised explosive device detonated under his Humvee near Bagdad. His son, Jordan, was seven months old. A Journal for Jordan is a mother’s letter to her son—fierce in its honesty--about the father he lost before he could speak. It is also a father’s advice and prayers for the son he will never know. Dana Canedy is senior editor at the New York Times.
Visit AJournalforJordan.com
Also available as an EBook and on audio from Random House at www.crownpublishing.com

Please let us know what you think of the books.

SUMMERTIME

2009-08-17T14:17:00.000-07:00

Hurry, hurry-- it is not too late to get your nominations in for the Fatherhood Awards. The deadline is August 28, 2009, to nominate for Father of the Year, Fatherhood Advocate, and Fatherhood Service awards. Click here for the nomination forms.

But, where has the summer gone??? It's hard to believe that almost two months have passed without a single new post from us. It could be that we have been very busy preparing for the upcoming year. Foremost on our agenda has been planning for our annual professional conference. In the space of two short months, we have secured awe-inspiring keynote speakers, a date, a venue, a conference title, and, most importantly, a Save the Date flyer. See it here, and watch this space and our website for registration information.

On another 'event' note, we missed Dad & Me @ the Park this year, but have vowed to bring it back. All you dads, mark your calendars for June 19, 2010, for an all new, better than ever, Dad & Me @ the Park.

Father's Day Radio Interview

2009-06-25T14:11:00.003-07:00

Our Board Chair, Bruce Collins, was interviewed by Peter Finch of KFOG / KNBR radio for a broadcast that aired on Father's Day.

To hear the entire broadcast, click on this link: http://www.kfog.com/Community/TakePart.aspx Bruce's interview is the last one, scroll forward to 23:00 to hear just his remarks.

Father

2009-06-25T14:11:00.001-07:00

President Obama's Father's Day Proclamation

2009-06-19T09:46:00.000-07:00

In honor of Father's Day 2009, President Obama has issued a proclamation honoring, thanking, and encouraging all fathers to participate in the lives of their families. You can read it here.

Back to School with California's Family School Partnership Act

2009-06-17T12:04:00.000-07:00

Did you know that you may be able to take time out from work to volunteer in your kid's classroom, cheer on your school athletes, or read to children in the school library? California state law (Labor Code Section 230.8) generally requires employers with more than 25 employees working at the same location to permit their employees with school-age children to use vacation, personal leave, comp time, or even time without pay if permitted, to participate in their child's school activities. The amount of time to be used specifically for this activity is limited to 40 hours per year, not to exceed 8 hours per month. Please be sure to check with your HR department on your company's guidelines and for rules on how to give notice of your planned absence (also required under the Act).

Six Ways to be an Awesome Dad

2009-06-02T12:19:00.000-07:00

Our board member, Angel Barrios, Executive/Program Director of the Institute for Human and Social Development, Inc (IHSD), shared this short list of priceless tips:

1. Show lots of love. Hug your children often, starting when they're infants. As they grow, applaud their accomplishments. Affection and praise can build a strong relationship and give your child a positive sense of worth.

2. Set a good example. Little eyes see all you do, from how you interact with their mother to how you handle life's problems.

3. Interact. Spending time together shows kids they're important. Occasionally, that might mean giving up some of your activities. Childhood happens only once - there are no do-overs.

4. Earn the right to be heard. Talk with your children - and not just when they have done something wrong. Begin when they are young, and do so often. Really listen, too. This helps build trust, which will encourage your kids to listen when you offer guidance as they grow older.

5. Discipline with love. The right kind of discipline helps children learn limits. Teach your kids that actions have consequences. Acknowledge good behavior. When they don't do things you expect, control your emotions. Never yell at or hit them.

6. Be a teacher. Look for ways to help children learn life lessons. For example, you can encourage young children to dress themselves or pick up toys. This helps them become self-sufficient. Talk with older kids about alcohol, drugs and peer pressure. Gradually give them more chances to make decisions. This helps prepare them for adulthood.

No parent is perfect - there is no such thing. Just keep being the best dad you can be!

WHY FATHERS SHOULD READ TO THEIR CHILDREN

2009-05-06T10:50:00.000-07:00

Reading aloud to children is probably the single most important activity parents can do to ensure their children become readers. Sadly though, a recent survey found that only 10% of fathers read to their children.

Just by reading out loud, fathers can significantly improve their children’s literacy levels and spend enjoyable bonding time as well. Reading just a few minutes a day greatly increases a child's chances, not only for school success, but for overall success as an adult. One common factor found in successful adults is that they were read to often. In addition, a literate person is an informed person, and we know that information facilitates positive life choices regarding education, careers and health.

A father reading to sons is especially important. Because of normal developmental differences, boys typically are not as drawn to reading as girls, have more trouble learning to read, and read less for enjoyment. "Anything that demonstrated a male enjoying reading would probably be the most significant factor in getting the boy to read," according to Mem Fox, a widely-published author and former professor of literary education.

Libraries throughout San Mateo County have teamed up with the Fatherhood Collaborative to offer a series of “Dad and Me @ the Library” programs, which promote the values of fathers reading to their children, and establishing a regular reading routine. The programs offer great entertainment, and a terrific time at the library. In addition, children who come to a program with their father or any significant caregiver (whether male or female) will also receive a free book and a chance to obtain a library card. For more information about Dad & Me @ the Library programs, visit the Fatherhood Collaborative web site (www.fatherhoodcollaborative.org) or visit the San Mateo County Library’s web site at smcl.org.

For more information about this article or to obtain sources for the information listed above, please contact Jeanine Asche at asche@smcl.org. If you know an adult who needs help improving their reading skills, please call 650.572.READ (7323).

More Tips for New Dads -- Essential Stuff

2009-04-14T16:30:00.000-07:00

Ignacio recommends About.com:Fatherhood, which has articles on many different aspects of fatherhood. This article includes a list of essential items every new dad needs. You may find that some of the things are more essential than others -- for example, a car seat is a more pressing need than a digital camera, although a camera is nice. Read the article and see what you think.
http://fatherhood.about.com/od/newdadsresources/a/baby_items.htm

Obama's Letters to His Daughters

2009-03-23T18:17:00.000-07:00

This is from Sylvia Key, a member of the Fatherhood Collaborative Advisory Board.

"When I read President Obama’s letter to Sasha and Malia, it brought back memories of my own dad.

I don’t recall my dad writing me a letter, but I do remember the frequent and long conversations we had on the living room couch. I would ask my father what I deemed to be a simple question requiring a “yes” or “no” response and hours later, I might have the answer to my question or the admonition to do what I thought was best.

I realized much later that our conversations were an opportunity for my father to impart his values and to lay out his expectations for me as his daughter whose responsibility was to carry the family name with pride, dignity and respect, as a woman who respected herself and others, and as a citizen who could make a difference in our rapidly changing world.

I didn’t always agree with my father’s views or methods, but I came to appreciate that our conversations were opportunities for us to bond and even more importantly, foundational to my growth and maturity. I learned from him to think for myself, to trust my instincts, and to be my own person; to always strive to do my best; to love and care for and be proud of my family and my heritage; to hold my head up high; the importance of respect for self and others and what being a lady looked and sounded like; to love unconditionally; to always say thank-you, to talk my way out of a fight, and to give back. I learned to be independent, to manage a checking account and budget, how to be successful personally and professionally and what it meant to be a community activist and advocate. Of, course, at the time, I had no idea that I was learning all of these skills. I just thought my dad had extremely high standards and wanted to keep me on a short chain. This was his way of showing that he Loved me and wanted me to be successful. He was merely drawing upon his years of experience and wisdom, experience that I did not have or even understand at the time.

My dad didn’t have a lot of money or material possessions, but what he did have was himself, his unabiding love for his family and his wanting them to grow and thrive and do better than he had. That’s what my dad wanted for me and my sisters. He passed away 18 years ago and I miss him terribly, but his impact is indelibly written in my heart.

Children want to know that you love and care about them, that you are there for them, that you have their back, that you are their cheerleader and that you keep them on the straight and narrow road. They want love and structure and a sense of being part of a loving whole.

Dads, I implore you to spend quality time with your children (both girls and boys), talk with them often (even if they appear not to listen), listen to their opinions, answer their questions, don’t be afraid to know and censor their friends and activities, help them set long and short term goals, get to know their teachers and have their numbers and e-mail addresses on speed dial.

For some, it may be easier to write a letter which can serve as conversation starter. You might also try writing a letter during different phases of your child’s life acknowledging triumphs as well as challenges (e.g., as they enter school, a divorce). It doesn’t have to be fancy, eloquent or even long. Just let them know how joyful they make you feel, and your hopes and expectations for them. As Father’s Day approaches, you might also suggest that they write a letter to you.

I guarantee that any letters exchanged between you and your children will outlast any toy or trinket . Twenty years from now you will both still have or at least remember those letters.

REGISTER NOW FOR DADS COUNT 2009 ON APRIL 17

2009-03-09T11:45:00.000-07:00

Register Now!!!! Justice Alan Page, a member of the Pro Football Hall of Fame, and an Associate Justice of the Minnesota Supreme Court, will be the keynote speaker at the Dads Count Breakfast and Award Ceremony on April 17, 2009 at the Crowne Plaza San Francisco International Airport in Burlingame. Tickets are $50, and are available at http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/54307Or, Click here for a registration form.

ARE YOU A NEW FATHER?

2009-02-20T11:03:00.000-08:00

Here are some great tips for all you new fathers out there, posted by our Treasurer, Ignacio Guerrero. http://fatherhood.about.com/od/newdadsresources/New_Dads_Resources.htm
Questions? Comments? Let us know what you think. Click on Comments now.

Green Jobs, Anyone?

2009-02-18T13:05:00.000-08:00

Our Vice Chair, Alonzo Emery, sent this request:

Please check out our Website for info on JobTrain (formerly OICW) www.JobTrainworks.org. We are adding new components to our training program. We would like those of you who are in the know to tell us about any training programs ideas for Green Jobs. We have a construction/environmental training program (details on our website) and we would like to add relevant Green Job training to this program. We hope to give our students a head start for opportunities in Green Jobs.

In addition, if you know of anyone who needs job training we have a variety of programs available. Classes are pretty tight at the moment but anyone interested should come by and see what we have to offer.

Is it rare to see a good black father?

2009-02-10T16:28:00.000-08:00

There’s a discussion going on at the Black Voices blog (http://www.blackvoices.com/) about black fathers. One writer quoted a black father who was surprised that he was getting praise for taking an active role in raising his kids, and for just being with them, as if this were a miracle of some kind. Yet, he admitted that he finds “ myself giving other black Dads I see out with their kids solo a nod of acknowledgement that prolly conveys the same message. And while I will admit a small part of me smiles inside when I see a nuclear black family out in public, I never have gotten a single compliment when I've been out with [my wife] and the kids. So, it seems like the whole thing is tied directly to the feeling that a black man taking his kids out by himself is so rare and unique, it has to be acknowledged."

The writer than posed these questions to the black men of our community on fatherhood:

Are great black dads as rare as everyone thinks?

Does Obama's prominence put deserved pressure on black fathers?

What do you think is the state of the black man in the modern family?

Please click on Comments to let us know what you think.

Submitted by: Bruce Collins, Fatherhood Collaborative Chair

Welcome!

2009-01-27T17:30:00.001-08:00

Welcome to the blog for the Fatherhood Collaborative of San Mateo County. We believe that fathers must be involved in the lives of their children, regardless of the family’s composition or legal status. Fatherhood is more than just a biological condition; it is a unique and essential bond that creates a life-long evolving relationship, that must be continually nurtured and cherished by fathers, their partners, families, and the community at-large.

Visit our website http://www.fatherhoodcollaborative.org/ to learn more about us.

We are starting the new year with this blog. We think it will be more convenient than the website for updating the world on our doings, and for getting out news-worthy announcements.

For example, we need several new board members -- our preferences are for representatives of the corporate sector, and the faith community. San Mateo County residence is a requirement, as is the ability to attend meetings in San Mateo during the work day. A belief in fatherhood as a power for good is an overriding prerequisite. Applications for membership are on our website.

Also, we have several important events coming up: Save these dates: March 4 for our Fatherhood Conference, and April 17, for Dads Count. And come back to this blog for more details.

Please let us know what you think.